This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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