i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
