whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
