she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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