I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
