I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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