the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently you make a good broom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
