Slut skills are useful in every country.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
