see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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