and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
