she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Green mimosas i think yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
