70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
