Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
