Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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