gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
