The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
