I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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