do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
