So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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