She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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