i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
