I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
