i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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