Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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