Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
