no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have fence marks all over my body
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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