I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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