I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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