My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
