i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
