Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
