Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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