I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
