woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
