Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
