My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
