I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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