i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
