I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
