I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
