Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
