so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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