You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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