I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
