Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
