i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
be right there i have to get my cape
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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