kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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