I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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