Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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