I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
