That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
