I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
