Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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