i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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