Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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