have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
